The Official Guide to Cell Phone Etiquette

Your mother may have raised you right, but Mom wasn’t born in a technological age. Cell phones are everywhere, and they can do just about everything and connect you to just about everyone. But have you ever gotten in trouble at work for having your cell out? Have you ever been yelled at by your spouse, friend or any one else for texting when you should be listening? Since Emily Post isn’t around any more, how do you know how to be courteous and respectful while still being connected? Simple! Read on for the ultimate guide in how to behave while still staying current.

Rule # 1: Is it an Emergency?

Yes, the point of a cell phone is to stay connected, and nothing is more crucial than being on standby in a crisis. Some things that constitute a crisis? Your mother’s having surgery, your sister’s baby is due any minute now, or your building is burning and you’re waiting for the fire department. Basically, any time you have your phone by your hand at all times, you are saying that, pending the results of a phone call, I will leave the table/office/building immediately. Good manners dictates that if this is completely necessary (and it sometimes is), inform the people you are with so that it’s not misinterpreted as lack of interest. Divulge as much info as you feel comfortable with, but that’s it!

Rule #2: Using your Phone at a Restaurant

If you’re eating a meal with someone (anyone!) unless there is an emergency (see section above), your phone should be silent and stashed. Seriously. There is no situation in which it is acceptable to have the phone beside your plate, or on the table in any fashion. Turn off your ring and alert tones; not only are they disrespectful to the people you’re with, but they can get very frustrating to other people trying to dine in peace. Consider the message you’re sending; a phone that is quiet and away shows your dinner mate(s) that you consider them to be more deserving of your attention than anyone else. Let the call go to voice mail, and that text will still be there later. Without exception, texting/web surfing under the table is unforgivably rude. Not only does it give the impression that you couldn’t care less about your current scene, but it also carries the tasteless insinuation that you might be talking about the person you’re with.

Rule #3: Watch a Movie without Making a Scene: Entertainment Venues

This one varies slightly depending on the venue. Consider the effected people in any given situation; in a movie theater, people around you will be annoyed by a ring tone. In a play, you might disrupt the actors themselves. At a ball game, chances are no one will be able to hear or see what you’re doing over the noise. Same goes for a concert. For any entertainment venue (when your attention is most likely not on the people you came with), respond to the noise level expectation. In a movie? Who cares if you text, as long as you’re not yapping away, but make sure the phone is  on silent. At a play? Same thing applies. For the ball game, even quick conversations are okay, as long as it doesn’t go on forever and (crucial) you don’t stand up and block someone’s view. Take longer calls out of the main seats. This also applies for concerts (larger ones). For smaller, intimate concerts (ie, the performer can hear you) apply movie theater protocol.

Rule #4: A Bird, a Plane, or Just Plain Rude: Get it Right on Public Transportation

We’ve all been on the train, plane or automobile when the person off our elbow is talking non-stop. Chances are, most of us have even been that person more than once. The difficulty is that although you are sharing space with others, you’re also on your way to and from home and usually want to get in contact with family or the office. Blissfully many subways don’t get reception, but if they do (or for any other mode of transport—this includes elevators!), talk all you want at the stop, station, or lobby. Once you get behind closed doors into an enclosed space, shut it. Texting is fine, but keep the ring tone level down.

Rule #5: Working It: Cell Friendly Office

Very easy distinction: if you make and receive business calls on your phone, keep it out, keep it on, keep it relatively quiet. If your phone is not part of your day-to-day business needs and expectations, it shouldn’t be out. Text on the sly if you must, but it really should wait for your break.

Rule #6: Good Manners Start at Home: Cell Phones and Family

Kids and parents, put your phones away for family time. Any designated time when you should be talking to each other—dinnertime, playing monopoly, family outings, etc—stash the phone. Putting down your phone is a sign that you want to be fully focused on the people you’re with, and really, who deserves that more than your family?

Rule #7: You Drive Me Crazy: Safety and Courtesy in the Car

Get a Bluetooth, and rock the calling on the go all you want. Don’t have a headset, or you’re a texting fiend? If you’re the one driving, forget it. Your safety and the safety of the others in the car and on the road are worth this one sacrifice. This isn’t just courtesy; it’s common sense. Check out the research if you’re a skeptic. Also, check out the Cell Phones.org guide to what’s legal where—you really don’t want to be breaking the law AND driving dangerously.

Rule #8: Keep it Classy: Rules for School

You should be paying attention in class, but this guide isn’t about insisting on your attention span; it’s about courtesy. Texting in class (good luck getting away with a phone call) is actually really rude. The teacher can hear it even on vibrate, and it immediately makes you look bad and disinterested. You’re basically saying that the teacher isn’t worth your time, and that’s not a good message to send in middle school, high school, or college. Teachers – this goes for you too. No answering phones, unless you want your students to realize you’re only there for the tenure and summer vacation.

Rule #9: A Party’s Only a Text Away: Rock it Right on a Night Out

At parties, bars, or even hanging out, most of the time, your cell is your lifeline. It lets people know where to meet you, what’s going on, and keeps you constantly connected—which, for the social scene, is a very good thing. Text and call all you want, as long as you’re floating around a venue—it’s great as a save from an awkward conversation or as a tool to keep things going. However, if you get involved in a one on one with someone, remember that checking your phone equals disinterest.

Rule #10: Love the One You’re With (or at Least Pay Attention!): Why Who You’re With Matters

As mentioned above, when you are available on your cell phone—it’s visible, accessible, and audible—you are making a clear statement about priorities. You are saying that the possibility of someone calling is more exciting and more demanding of your time than the person you are currently with. This means it is chivalric suicide to have it out on a date (and probably romantic suicide as well), and it’s disrespectful to teachers, coworkers, and family members. Browsing the internet or checking email is especially rude—really, you’d rather check your email (which will be waiting for you later) than spend time with them? When it comes to friends, since they tend to be a very flexible and fluid group of people, most won’t be upset if you have your phone out or in use—this offers the potential to add to the group of friends, if only via phone or text.

Take it Slow: Easing Into Courtesy

I know, it’s hard to shut the phone off during dinner. You probably didn’t even realize you were being rude, and now you’re addicted, so how do you stop? Or, perhaps you have extenuating circumstances that aren’t quite an emergency, and you really are itching to check your email. The key, as with everything concerning courteous behavior, is open communication. Explain to your family that you’re waiting for an important email, but you’ll keep the phone on silent. Tell your significant other that the biggest game of the season is on tonight, and while you’d rather be with them than watching it, you still have to check the score (as long as it’s occasionally). Make no mistake, you’re still choosing connectivity and information over your present company, and you should consider that when assessing your priorities, but chances are, they’ll let you off the hook. Once.

Good luck, and remember—keep it courteous.

photo credits:

911 by greefus_groinks

Movie Theater by stuttermonkey

Family on phone by veganstraightedge

Man driving by berberbulb

Phone is school by danzen

Girl on phone by jaye_elle